Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Dang, my gym teachers were right!

Well, it's official.  I'm pretty sure I'm about ready to start my period.  But I've had none of the usual short tempered crabbiness that usually marks this time.  Today I feel kind of paranoid, like everyone thinks I'm dumb and thinks everything I say is dumb, but not like I want to karate chop everyone who gets in my way.  That and being a little tired and faintly crampy are my signs. (That and the fact I was crying while listening to "Cats Cradle" on the radio)  Is it true being vegan helps you?  Definitely, maybe.  This will be my first one as a vegan, so my hopes are high.  I think perhaps it appeals to my desire to want to control myself.  I never really thought I was controlling.  I'm not an "A" type personality either.  But I find that I'm really liking certain aspects of the vegan diet.  For example, I've really enjoyed learning the medicinal values to food.  It appeals to me to be able to eat certain things to control a symptom I may be having.  I also like the way I feel in control of myself and my body.  I like thinking that I can control the nutrition I put into me.  I was a closet control freak and didn't even know it!!  I guess there were signs.  I couldn't stand it when my boys played with play-doh and mixed all the colors together.  It was all I could do to NOT ban them from playing with it.  I wanted to ban them though.  It is really frustrating  to think that all my crazy gym teachers may have been right, all these years ago.  "You just need to quit drinking pop and exercise to get rid of your cramps and moodiness!!"  Gasp, they were right?  It really didn't seem like they could be at the time.  I just figured they took gleeful pleasure in being sadistic to a crabby, crampy teenager.  I think I might have switched a long time ago to vegan if I would have known.  I really hated that feeling of not being able to control my mood.  I think I can feel proud of being controlling in this case.  I think it's good to be able to control oneself, whether it's the amount of food you're eating or the moodiness that you unleash on unsuspecting people!!  I think it's all about finding that right balance (which is hard!) of being a healthy control freak as opposed to being a scary control freak.  Allowing yourself some "me" time as opposed to being too self involved.  It's amazing the things I'm realizing.  I feel like I've been asleep for the last decade and a half!  I really wonder at why we come to things when we do.  I'm just gonna let it go and be grateful I got it.  Let's see stats:

Hunger:  I think I'm training my hunger to Tess' cleanse.  I'm really hungry in the morning and it gets less strong each meal I eat.  I'm not too hungry at dinner.
Mood:  I cried to Cat's Cradle on the radio...what do you think??
Cravings:  None today, I think I've noticed a slight increase in a sweet tooth, but I haven't indulged.
Health:  Feeling good.

So, I close today thinking about my controlling nature.  My impulse is to stop myself, and denie any controllingness to my nature.  But it's there and that doesn't have to be a bad thing with enough balance =)  Good night everyone, be happy !!

1 comment:

  1. yes! I think you are on the right track...we'll let go of our asleep days and be grateful and SO BALANCED today...it just feels so good. Keep talking, I don't think anything you say is dumb...you get it and that makes you smart in my book!