Saturday, February 27, 2010

It's Fermented You Know!

Wow.  I just spent all day cleaning 3 little boys rooms.  I don't think I want to remember it anymore, so I'm going to type out my vegan days and drink my Kombucha (It's fermented you know) while I do it!  So what's going on my Vegans???!!(and non-vegans, lol)  I've been neglecting again, but you'll forgive me I swear.  I've got it all tonight: tears, jeers AND fears!!!  So first, the tears: As I've stated before I REALLY want Birthday presents.  I know I'm not going to get them (which is tear inducing enough on it's own), but I like to daydream about them anyway.  While I was in said daydream, this time of a juicer as I used my  little hand juicer with the twisty thing and juice is dripping down my arm and making my sleeve sticky.  I had a flash of memory to my childhood. *side note* Anybody who knows me, knows I have an astounding long term memory.  Sometimes I mess up though, because I'll actually remember what I was thinking at the time.  For example, we had a conversation 1 year ago.  As we talked I thought you would look good in a hat.  I then might 1 year later remember you wearing a hat during that conversation, because I pictured you wearing it and it burned it into my memory.  Usually, I will remember that later though.  Okay, back to my childhood memory of me using an old timey squeezing device to juice a lemon.  So, I called my Mom to see if she still had this ancient tool.  She was skeptical but she went to check.  She had it!!  I am so psyched about using something my ancestors probably used.  *cue the tears*  Now, a long line of woman trying to squeeze that damn 1/4 cup out of a lemon can watch over me and be proud.  Okay, maybe not too sad (except of course no presents) but it is cool using old things that work great.  I love history and will get a huge kick out of juicing this way...and hey,  anything is better than sticky, soggy sleeves!!!  Okay.....on to the jeers!  Jeers go out to Hacienda for putting the dreaded cheese on my black bean burrito.  It wasn't a lot, but I was so mad!!  The waitress even wrote (I made sure) not to put cheese anywhere NEAR my burrito.  So, when I found it I was angry and said now I will have bad poop and it's all their fault!!  Okay, hehehe, I didn't really say that, but I implied it.  At least they took it off my bill.  I never really noticed what a call for concern it is not to eat cheese.  And I never really noticed how much is on the menu (never mind the meat too).  I actually had someone ask me when I explained I was following a plant based diet, "well, how do you get your dairy?"  "I don't get dairy" I replied.  "Do you mean calcium?"  I then numbered the many ways one can get calcium without milk, but she wasn't buying it.  Seriously, I get way more vitamins now than I ever did.  And really, I could lose 100 more pounds, so I don't think I'll be needing the IV drip anytime soon.  Let's round this out with the Fears now.  So, my oldest boy has been asking many questions to wrap his mind around being vegan.  Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), the stuff about milk freaked him out and he won't drink it anymore.  So I have to write a letter to the school so he can drink something else (if he's buying lunch).  I'm not upset about that, but I don't want to traumatize my children either.  Hey, I have an update!!!  My meetup group is meeting!!!!  And to my complete chagrin, the creator read my blog (yep, you know the one) entitled "Where's the Meet Up?" LOL.  Whew, fortunately she is really cool and laughed and even commented on my blog.  It seems that when I signed up was right in the middle of a bad time for her to be on and everyone else for that matter!!  Anyway, there will be a meet up and I'll keep you posted (now I don't have to case Farmer's Market for vegan friends).  And my buddy/guru Tess hooked me up with her cuz that's in town.  I am meeting some excellent people and feel quite lucky.  Well, I better put this thing to bed before my Kombucha high wears off!!!  Stat time!!!

Hunger:  Doing good, really trying to pay attention to what my body wants
Mood:  Why, quite chipper I must say
Cravings:  Not for old food.  Sometimes I will think of something like say scrambled eggs and think wow, I am never eating those again.  And I feel weird for a minute.  Although I never say never, because really, who knows?  But right now I am in the moment and the moment says no meat.  No animal product.
Health:  Good, surprisingly after the cheese incident.  It was fine, I think I saw it before I ingested it.

I worked out Wed. night!!  Now just cause I have a big fat butt, doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing.  I rocked the weights out.  And I had some training in muscles and proper form etc., so I felt good and new what I was about.  I have decent muscle memory.  That doesn't mean I like doing it though, clearly.  But I liked how I felt so I'm going to try to roll this momentum out for a while.  I'll keep you posted.  Good thing was my hubby worked out with me and he lifts weights regularly and has great muscles to watch, so I didn't get too bored!! ;)  Ugh,I also forgot my inhalers and had a nasty little asthma attack!!  Okay everyone, I have to get some sleep so I can go to Logan's 9:00 a.m. basketball game and prepare to have 3 of his friends spend the night for his birthday.  I better stock up on the Kombucha.  (it's fermented you know!)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

You Could Win This Slice of Peanutbutter Bread!

Ok, let me set the scene for you:  everyone's at the table, I put out a steaming pot of chili and pass out 5 bowls.  Everyone gets chili (even the youngest two who are looking at it critically) and when I pass my bowl for chili everyone stops.  But Mom, my oldest says, this chili has meat in it!  I just smile.  Pandemonium!!!  Ewwwwww, this is vegan chili!!  You're trying to turn me into a vegan!!  Let's get this straight.  I followed Rick's rule of "cleaning out our pantry" and "using up what we have" , it just so happened that I had TVP in the fridge.  And no, no one staked me like a vampire for trying to turn them vegan.  Although, it did seriously sound like they might at the time!  Rick had to turn eating into this very odd eating/betting/game show dinner.  Carter if you eat 1 bean you can have peanut butter bread, do you accept the challenge?  Owen, Carter says yes to 1 bean.  Do you say yes to 2 beans and steal the peanut butter bread from him?  It goes on and on till it was up to 8 beans and Owen puked getting the last 2 down.  Sigh.  Just once I'd like a "normal" dining experience!! lol.  So it was a rocky vegan dinner together, but no meat was eaten!!  One of the hardest aspects to becoming vegan is the kids.  On one hand I've been raising my kids and serving them one way.  Now all of a sudden I changed.  Is it fair to ask them to do the same?  I know I'm the adult and it's my responsibility to teach them (I'm sorry it's so late in coming), but it's very hard.  Especially when they don't want to change.  My oldest is a little easier.  He is scientific minded and has been fascinated with my new info. on plant based diets.  Even Rick is fairly easy, although he doesn't buy into how bad milk is.  He will search for hours to try to justify his inability to stop dairy consumption.  And when he finds something, then he quits listening to all the mounting data to it's negative.  Whatever, I can't change him.  But it's killing me with the kids.  I can't in good conscience do it anymore!!  I will use up what we have, but change is coming like it or not.  I think back to when my kids were little and none of them liked milk (I never had either, I drank water at school) and I used to take so much abuse from people on them not drinking it.  Now I feel slightly justified, and a little smug 'cause we're ahead of the game (not really because we all don't drink milk but we all inexplicably like dairy products- go figure!).  I think what's important is that I'm explaining and showing them there is a different way of eating out there.  There is information out there that we are not hearing.  We, as a planet need to be more careful in how we are living our lives and at what cost.  I am not perfect (and trust me my kids see that too), but I can make them more aware.  They may not always eat vegan, but at least they'll understand what it means.  Who knows, maybe eventually we'll have a bidding war on vegetable eating?  I can only hope =)  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  ugh, no full!
Mood: good =)
Cravings: none. maybe a little salt, but nothing specific.
Health: pretty good! (still have pimple =P)

Well, it was nothing if not interesting tonight.  I can't wait to see what they say about the quinoa...mwaahaaha!!  Try to "steak"  (tee hee I'm funny!) count vegan, I dare you!!
Good night everyone!! Be healthy! =)


Monday, February 22, 2010

Where the Heck is the Meet up??

All right, whoooo!!  Check out how on it I am today (except for the fact I forgot to take my son to basketball practice, but that's another story!!).  I made two meals tonight, one for my family: Alton Brown's fried chicken (which I've had soaking in buttermilk for 24 hours) and for myself, my own creation:  I took leftover rice, sauteed it in a pan of olive oil & garlic.  added chili pepper, cumin, salt, canned diced tomatoes, onion & green chilies.  When that was all warm I threw in some canned black beans.  I cooked 2 red potatoes in the microwave and then cut them up put it all together in a rice burrito shell.  It was really good and I'm so smug!!  HaHa!  Another dinner challenge down.  Now you maybe wondering why the family had a meat meal since I was going to be making vegan meals.  Well, we're taking it slow.  And Rick wants me to use up as much as I can to save money and to use all the meat that's in the extra freezer.  It's a hard process, especially for kids!  We'll ease them in =)  So, I joined a vegan meet up group in Michiana.  But they don't meet!!  Heck, the creator is barely on there!  Really?  A meet up group that doesn't meet??  Sigh, I really need to find some local vegans to glean wisdom from.  My sis-in-law brought me vegan treats she found for me at the Farmer's Market!! (maybe this is where I can shop for vegan friends.  I can lurk around the vegan treat booth and strike up conversations with unwary vegan strangers!!  Sounds creepy?)  Isn't that nice?  I think my restaurant stories are bringing me sympathy treats!! Yay!  It's really rare that I get a "treat" of this nature.  Still no Wii set up, grrrr.  I really need to monitor my weight.  It is possible to be a chubby vegan, people really!!  I can still over eat on my vegan happy foods.  Hey!  I just noticed I don't have that whole seasonal depression thing going on!!  Alright then!  I contribute it to all the lemon I ingest now.  It's really hard to be depressed when you have lemons!!  Their yellow, they help weight control, they are sour but good in water and food, they are good for weight control- see?  what's not to love?!  *cut to a psychedelic scene of me dancing with lemons, like out of a pink floyd movie*  Yep, that's how weird I am.  I warned you.  You can handle it if my husband can!! hahahahaha.  Hmmm, anything else I want to ramble about?  You know I love a good ramble!!  Well, let's do stats:

Hunger:  Yes, I'm getting in a weird quasi-PMS mode where I want some heft to what I eat. Not eeling the salad right now!
Mood:  Oddly good today, despite the fact that I had to attend to the children for Spanish class.  (another story for another time).
Cravings:  Nope, just my Spanish rice & potato concoction.  I thought about it for a while.
Health:  Well, still have the nasty pimple on my chin, BUT took care of some grooming, like ridding myself of the little mustache I had going on and plucking my face and brows.  Not too shabby =)

Well, I'm getting better at this vegan thing.  My cooking comfort is coming along nicely.  I still am surprised that I am still vegan.  I never thought I could do it a day, let alone 5 weeks!  And let me reiterate just how bad I ate.  I was a meat & cheese glutton.  I still am in recovery.  I have to watch it all the time.  Habit is hard to break and then change.  One of these days I'll be cooking and I'll surprise myself when my natural instinct is to NOT lick the spoon!!  Good night ever body!  Be happy =)


Sunday, February 21, 2010

You know it's Tuesday if it's spaghetti!

Wow!  It's been a while!!  Sorry about that, I've been dealing with some stuff and couldn't get on (or was too tired to when I could!!)  So I was suppose to weigh in today, but my husband disconnected the Wii to mess around with cords.  I don't know why but it always seems like men have cords to mess with.  I'm kinda bummed because I feel thinner!  I'm branching out, spreading my wings, I flew away from Tess' nest and tried some different recipes AND even improvised!!  I must be getting more comfortable now.  I made an "egg" tofu salad.  It was so good and easy.  Even my husband liked it (remember- family vegan meals).  I got to say that Tess really got me ready for this adventuring in vegan foods.  Between her pantry suggestions and explanations, and eating with a weight control conscious structure throughout the day, she gave me some kick butt tools at my disposal!!  Any recipes I've looked at, I have about 95% of the ingredients called for.  Amaranth?  Oh, yes!  No problem.  My friend Tracy and I talked about how we were both afraid to use certain ingredients.  Mine was miso and tofu.  I would look at it in the fridge and cower.  But, not anymore!  Now if I could only be that brave with tempeh, phyllo dough and nori.  More mountains to climb, but I'm enjoying the challenge.  I'm really enjoying just eating and cooking in a new way.  I think I was in a rut.  You know it must be Tuesday if it's spaghetti!!  Still feeling great.  Had huge meat craving the other day.  I wanted a hot ham and cheese sandwich.  A big one.  I had errands to run at a couple of friends houses and I could've sworn they were cooking meat at each house.  They weren't, and after seeing my wild eyed look as I asked for meat, they hid their small children from me!!  So of course I didn't cave, but that night I had a crazy dream where I was hosting a Thanksgiving potluck.  And all these random people were there, some I knew some I didn't.  I put on my plat what looked to be a huge biscuit, but browner and taller.  I was told it is an African muffin and there's ham and cheese in it.  My mind raced with thoughts:  I should put this down, I really want this and (my favorite) Well, maybe it's okay since it's Thanksgiving!  Anyway, I ate it and felt guilty.  Then I woke up and still felt guilty until I remembered I didn't really eat it.  I was fine then, no more ham & cheese cravings.  I had another suckarific (it's an industry term) restaurant experience.  This time: Bob Evans.  And now I know what Bob does "down on the farm" because it's all over their meat drenched menu!!  Wow, eating out stinks.  I'm going to have to move to the west to get any kind of vegan love, because here in the heartland (and now I know why it's called that- heart attack central!) if you don't want a side of meat with your meat with cheese on it, then you have to eat grass in the back yard.  Okay, I MAY be exaggerating that slightly, but come know it's true!  I didn't (of course) realized it till I became vegan, although I always was slightly horrified when someone mentioned being vegan, because I couldn't imagine what they COULD eat.  Now I know why.  Anyway, to help combat anymore meat cravings I re-read all the medical analysis of meat based vs. veggie based diets.  That always kicks the meat cravings to the proverbial curb.  And sometimes I tell it to my husband too (who at least pretends to listen), just to cement it in there.  Well, my birthday is 2 weeks away and I've been dropping STRONG hints to my husband as to what to get me (kitchen toys!  food processor, pressure cooker, juicer...) unfortunately, he just pretends to listen (see above) and has the prize for being the worlds worst present gifter.  It's true.  One year (a very memorable Christmas) he got me a water britta filter, a microwavable egg cooker (!!!!) and a space saver drawer for between your washer and dryer.  Wow.  Nothing says love like an egg cooker!! =)  I don't really care, it's just fun to see what he comes up with.  I try to keep my expectations low and that helps.  I know I'm suppose to be exercising, but I still haven't.  I keep thinking about it though.  You know how people who change their life always starts training for marathons?  Well, I'm going to start training to participate in the Olympic sport of Curling.  Yep, I'm good at sweeping and I have a lot of cleaning to do so there you go.  When I sweep my floor I can count that as training for the Olympics and therefore it's exercise!!  Hahaha, count on me to find a loophole to get out of it!  Hey, you don't get this chubby without a bag of excuses!!  Well, I better go.  I'm getting tired.  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  manageable
Mood:  Honestly, volatile crabbiness!  Hide the kids!!
Cravings:  Just the ham and cheese day
Health:  Pretty good, except a big fat pimple on my chin....hmmmm, PMS?

Well, my goal is to add some exercise into my day (real not my curling idea), and to eat more veggies (always a challenge for me).  I usually make one of Tess' dressings and dip cold veggies in it and that gets them in.  I just have to do it more!  Good night everyone, I missed you.  Be happy =)


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

not the stir fry!!

Well I didn't blog last night because I went out to dinner with my mom & Dad & sister and brother in law.  We went to Yesterday's which takes forever to eat.  We had reservations for 7:00 and we weren't done until 10:30!!  On a Monday!!  Wow, did I have a sad, sad vegan night out.  I looked ahead of time and chose 1 of 2 meals that were anywhere close to vegan.  They really should call the restaurant Meat R Us because it's clearly what they specialize in and there's not many meatless options, at least not swimming in butter and draped with cheese (all of which looked delicious mind you).  So I chose vegetable stir fry (mental shake of head).  Not always the greatest choice when not somewhere that specializes in stir fry like, say, an Asian restaurant.  First, happily (as I was starving) I ate the bread and it was sour dough so that was fine.  They even rounded me up some olive oil and herbs to dip it in.  But my meal came and it had gigantic peppers of the rainbow about the size of my hand in there. I'm not a huge fan of green peppers.  The other colors I can deal with if small, but not this hand thing. (remember I don't really enjoy vegetables? welcome to my hell!!)  Then, as I was eating I found a sticker left on a carrot stick (they were huge chunks of all the vegetables).  So while I waited for my meal to be fixed my mom & husband kept passing me their mushrooms to munch on.  Especially since they both picked what I WOULD have gotten had I still been eating meat.  Well, I was so hungry it didn't occur to me that MAYBE they were cooked in butter!! (more later on that).  They brought it back and really by this point I wished they hadn't bothered because I wasn't enjoying the flavor of peppers and heavy bottled teriyaki sauce drowning the rice and veggies.  So then dessert comes and everyone picks these insanely large items and all I get are 5 huge strawberries and some chocolate sauce (non-dairy).  My stupid berries were $11.00!!!  Rick's pie was less!  By now my stomach started to hurt (mushrooms in butter!!) and it was a miserable drive home (in the blowing snow!!).  All night, all I could think about was how bad I felt after eating just a little butter; I can't imaging what I'd feel like if I had grabbed my sister's cheesecake and stuffed it down like I'd wanted to!  I felt stuffed, but in comparison I barely ate compared to the rest of them.  I definitely have gotten used to eating less.  Or I can listen to my body better, one or the other or both!!  Man that was a disappointing night out, for me not worth the money at all.  I do find I eat out a lot less now.  Probably for this reason.  Well, I should do stats since my dumb dog broke my vase!!

Hunger: no, stomach not right since mushroom debacle!
Mood: not too good. vase =(  grrrrrr.
Cravings: no.  I got an eyeball full of meat and cheese, but I survived.
Health:  Stomach not good!!  No more dairy!!!!

Clearly this was a good restaurant, just not too vegan friendly.  That's fine, I don't expect to be catered to but it would be nice to have a place to go to!!  Good Night Everyone, be happy =) (or not if you're trying to glue a vase back together)


Sunday, February 14, 2010

I'm Going to Lacinato Me Some Kale!!

I am still obviously new to the whole vegan thing and especially with cooking with new and different herbs, spices and vegetables.  In RHIW, Tess talks about "Lacinato Kale" and this is what she recommends you to use in her recipes.  Also, in the same recipes she cuts the kale into thin ribbons.  When I went to the grocery store to get my ingredients, I needed to buy kale and I bought kale.  In reading the recipe again I saw the Lacinato and didn't remember seeing it in the store.  For some reason I got it in my head that "Lacinato"  must be a fancy cooking term for cutting into thin ribbons.  "Must be an Italian word" I thought to myself.  (Tess I hope you're reading this!!)  A couple of weeks later, I was in a better produce dept. at another store.  And there I saw it: Lacinato Kale.  So I bought it for my recipe and later decided it was a better kale than the other one.  But I still laugh to myself that I thought it was a cooking term.  It's the absurd things like that, that keep me going. I love to laugh and have no trouble laughing at myself.  So, today is WEIGH IN DAY (said with a crazy deep computerized voice).   I lost 4 more pounds!!  YAY!!!   I still haven't started working out...I know, I know!  I need to and I will, but I'm just glad that some of the weight is coming off.  it makes it easier to be able to work out.  It really does seem like a reward for me.  I didn't become vegan to lose weight, I did it for health.  But seeing the weight fall off of me has been inspiring and a visual measurement of becoming healthier.  Another thing I've been doing is learning a little more about the unhealthy aspects of meat and dairy.  I have been coming under fire from some people (I can never figure out why people get mad at me for not eating meat or dairy anymore) and it's helped me knowing some facts so I can explain myself better.  Sometimes it's not worth it.  I can't help though, wanting to pass on what I learned.  This is some scary stuff that I can't believe I never knew.  Ultimately though people just do what they've always done and don't really want to change.  I try to respect that.  Man, if they had a taste of what I feel they'd change too.  No Valentine's candy for me this year, but I did make yummy vegan chocolate chip cookies (Thank you Tess).  It's nice having some comfort foods now and then =)  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  Needed some substantial foods today.  I went for my go go meal of portabellas & onions with tamari.  It feels "meaty" to me.
Mood:  Good!  I was a little tired today.
Cravings:  No, not really. 
Health:  Well I had a headache because the sun was so bright and I had no sunglasses, but that went away.  Good, Good, Good.

A month down.  I in the beginning committed only a month to myself.  But it wasn't long into it that I knew I would stay vegan indefinitely. I read back through my blogs over the month and I cracked up about the montage.  Now I have that behind me and I feel like I'm really enjoying every minute of this and the month went by fast.  I don't need a montage any more.  Good night everybody, be happy =)


A Month in Retrospect

Tomorrow will mark one month since I've been living a vegan lifestyle.  I want to reflect on what I've found this past month.  I thought I would be saying how hard this has been for me and it's been only by this well of  focus and determination I've been able to get through this.  But that is not the case at all.  I've said it before that I knew with every fiber of my being that I needed to do this.  I felt that my health was declining, not in any big detectable way (other than the obesity) but in small measurable steps like blood pressure increases and heart burn and an overall feeling of toxicity.  I fought becoming vegan and put it off and even as I planned on doing it, I didn't expect me to be able to do it or even WANT to do it.  I focused on my old "favorites"  and really noticed how my body felt after eating and did it taste as good as I thought it would?  The 1st day was a little difficult, if nothing else because I was not used to cooking vegan.  It didn't take but a couple of days before the energy started to jump up.  Tomorrow I will weigh in, but I have lost so much fat off my stomach it's amazing.  Everything is better, mood, energy, ability to listen to my body, focus, patience...  even my sex life (ah, you guys came this far with me, you can handle it!!!).  I could go on for a while.  I feel great.  It's amazing how much more positively I look at the world now.  I do not miss meat.  I rarely have cravings for my old foods anymore and if I do, they pass quickly.  I only wish i would have done this years ago.  But I don't dwell on that.  Things happen the way they are supposed to and my time is now.  My husband and I talked and he agreed to having me make vegan meals for all of us.  I told him it's killing me to feed them, the people I love, food that I find toxic that I won't eat anymore.  I'm not asking them to change over night, but at least for dinners.  I have to be a teacher to my children so they may have a healthier, longer life.  I can do this now.  I feel way more comfortable in my vegan skin.  I was a little self involved this month; I kinda had to be.  But I feel my vegan Kung Fu powers flowing and can now multitask again.  I still have ups and downs.  I can still have eater moments or days, but it's so much more controllable now.  I've learned to tell the difference between a need and a craving.  I am in tune with my body once more.  I am eating to live not living to eat!!  I thought I had something wrong with me, that I couldn't stop eating.  I couldn't tell I was full until I was about to puke.  (Tess suggested this, but I had already thought) I think that the foods I used to eat were so empty of real nutrition that my body kept wanting more and I kept giving it the wrong things.  I am not a scientist, I have not the info. to defend against an argument.  I only know what I feel and what I see in the mirror.  That's good enough for me and apparently my family.  Let's do stats:

Hunger: appropriate
Mood:  Happy
Cravings: None
Health: Ass kicking good!!!

I read an article many months ago about the kid from California who was the youngest to sail around the world by himself.  I was amazed by his outlook on life and his plans for himself in non- conventional ways.  He said: "Do something hard".  His message was don't sleep  walk through life.  Challenge yourself, dream.  I've always kept that in the back of my head and the desire to do that, something hard.  I finally am doing it.  I completely changed my lifestyle.  I am doing something that is challenging me and making me a better, stronger person.  It feels good.  I now pass that gauntlet to you my friends:  Do something hard.  Whatever it may be.  You will love yourself a little bit more and maybe even surprise yourself.  Good night everyone, keep dreaming =)


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Wow, take a picture. I think I'm full!!

I've noticed that when I go to restaurants the easier places to go are either Asian restaurants or Mexican.  They usually have food I can work with.  Most other restaurants have 1 or 2 "vegetarian" dishes and inevitably one is always stir-fry of dubious freshness.  Tonight I went to a Mexican restaurant and I got a black bean and rice burrito which was really good.  But when I asked for no cheese or sour cream sauce, the lady looked at me like I was nuts and said: "well what are you going to have on it?"  I don't see why this should be so shocking, I mean haven't they had people in there before who is watching their fat content, let alone a vegan?  I guess people for the most part are shocked and concerned about what I can and can't eat.  I joke with my friend who has birds that a seed bell she bought for them as a treat is really a treat for me.  And I really think some people picture that.  I know I did before becoming vegan.  Now, I'm truly amazed at what I can eat and what I don't miss anymore.  I've even gotten better drinking water out.  I would never drink water at a restaurant 'cause I just pictured it as a slew of contaminated chemicals which it probably is, but less so than the diet pop I used to drink.  Anyway, I really noticed that I eat a lot less than I used to (except for all the chips I ate cause they kept us waiting and I was STARVING).  I got the smaller size rather than the large and I felt full after eating it.  Not so the case before.  I never could tell when I was full and I'd just keep on going until literally I was about to puke from being so full.  I wonder about that now.  Why can I tell I'm full now, but I couldn't then?  I really did try too.  I knew I ate too much.  I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn't tell when.  Maybe it's like an alcoholic not being able to stop drinking when they've had enough.  I really wonder why that would change now.  I've heard many things like there's a link to people not knowing when to stop eating because of a bacteria or lack of bacteria.  I don't know.  I suppose it could be plausible.  I will just enjoy the fact I CAN stop now.  Ah, feels good to be back in control of my body!  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  Not too hungry today until dinner.
Mood:  I'm good =)
Cravings: No, not even at the restaurant
Health:  Feeling lean and mean...(see mood) hahahaha

Just a follow up on the last blog.  I cleaned my kitchen good (I had to for my husband's poker night) and think I'm ready to get into the cooking groove again.  Going out to dinner tonight helped that as well.  Oh, I'm so mad a whole loaf of my sprouted bread sprouted mold!! grrrrrrrr.  Ha, thought I'd better get that off my chest as well!  Good night everyone, be happy =)


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Cooking blues

I missed a blog for the first time since becoming vegan.  Even Mon. when I had to get stuff done for the PTO and was up till 1:30, I did my blog!  But alas, yesterday I was too tired.  I fell asleep on the couch at 8:00 and staggered my way up to bed later.  I guess it's okay, I mean I'm not being graded on my blog right?  Gosh I hope not because I don't always check my spelling, grammar and etc.!!  I've been a little lazy about cooking lately and I'm not sure why.  There are perfectly fine frozen vegan meals out there, but I usually like to have fresh foods.  I just haven't wanted to cook so much.  I wonder if I'm getting beaten down by cooking 2 dinners a night?  Often, I'll make my husband and kids their food and then look for something easy for me.  And it's not that I'm feeling blah about the vegan food, because I'm really excited to be learning a new way to cook.  I just haven't been able to make myself do it recently.  It could be the messy kitchen.  It could be I get frustrated when I don't have all the ingredients I need for a recipe.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm in a little slump.  I'm still doing fine and my energy is outstanding, I just don't want to cook.  I really think it may be time to try to transition the men folk into eating a couple vegan meals a night.  I don't know how it will go, they may need PB&J back up.  That might help take some of the 2 meal dinner pressure off of me for a while.  It can get crazy, because some of the vegan recipes, I have to read closely w/ multiple steps.  And even worse I can never think what to make the men because I'm ambivalent to the meat.  Unfortunately, when I feel overwhelmed I shut down.  Maybe that's the problem then, I'm feeling cooking pressure!  Plus, I have all those fresh foods starting to wilt that I feel like I have to hurry up and cook something with.  Not a lot of room for flexibility and I am not very structured.  Well, I talked it out  with you and I think it must be the double meals getting to me.  And possibly the strict menu shopping & planning.  I better think about some strategies for this, as well as strategies that were suggested to me on how to get my kids eating healthier.  I better watch T.V. and think on it =)  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  No, I ate good today, although too many almonds?  A lot of juice at dinner.
Mood:  Happy but tired.
Cravings: yes, a little.  The guys wanted omelettes for dinner and I love eggs!  Gee, no wonder I don't feel like making myself food.
Health:  Hey, I'm doing good!  I'm dodging illnesses left and right with vegan, kung fu movements!!

It's funny how I didn't know what my problem was in the beginning of this blog and by the end figured it out.  Sometimes you have to talk it out to see it.  Thanks for listening!! =)  Good Night everyone be happy!!


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Shaping Dumplings??

So I was thinking tonight as I watched my children eating, I feel guilty for what I've been feeding them!  I've really been sort of self-involved these last 3 weeks and now it's time to start spreading what I've learned to them.  This is great and super awesome parenting, but there's just one problem...Okay, maybe three: Logan, Owen and Carter.  Tonight I absolutely made Owen and Carter eat 2 carrots (pieces, let's not get crazy!) and broccoli pieces.  They acted like I was poisoning them.  Logan at least ate a salad.  Then I was trying to explain the whole organic and whole foods idea and their eyes glazed over and a little bit of drool came out their mouths.  And when I tried to read to my husband out loud from the Whole Foods Enyclopedia, they kept interrupting me and when chastised by my husband, they looked blankly at me like they blocked my voice from their hearing.  blah, blah, blah ,blah vegetables.  That's all they hear.  I was horrified thinking about what path we may have started them on.  Is it any wonder though?  I mean I just followed the ways of my family and they theirs, and so on.  It truly is hard breaking from the mold and then to have to break out your husband and kids too.  I really am trying with the kids.  My husband, he's like me a product of our early environment.  But the kids, we are responsible for them. If we don't teach them, then who knows if they'll ever get it.  Look how long it took me for crying out loud!!  I don't even want to read THEIR blogs someday.  I could tell Owen and Carter were not happy about the vegetables by the way they were gunning for me while playing Uno.  That's okay.  I'll be the bad guy if it means I can get those kids to eat anything remotely healthy!  I am slowly phasing out some things I used to buy.  I just cannot do it anymore.  I cannot let my kids  eat what I know is so bad that I won't touch now.  And I'm starting slow, like junk processed foods.  I'm not even talking about meat yet.  But we've been talking about them eating some vegan meals.  We are still talking.  But that's good.  At least we are talking about it.  I just want to shape my kids eating habits to be healthy.  I don't want to shape them into dumplings!!  At least I have the tools now to help them.  At least now I know what to do.  I never usually dwell in guilt.  Guilt is just an indicator you either have to apologize about something or change something.  To dwell in guilt is really couter-productive to getting on living your life.  So, signal received, change....coming.  No more guilt.  See how that works?   Good grief, are you all tired of me dronning on my philosophies to you yet?  Well, really my blog is a dumping ground for the things I think about.  Sorry!!  (I do A LOT of thinking, hahaha).  Oh well, reader beware!  You may get caught in the cobwebs of my brain =).  Ugh, I'm tired.  Let's do stats:

Hunger: controlled
Mood:  Great, till Spanish class with the K-garteners and 1st graders.
Cravings: None
Health:  Headache (after Spanish class...what did I expect?)

I forgot to mention I have TMJ.  I can get mega headaches just from a change in weather and pressure.  I haven't been effected for a while.  Maybe new diet helps?  I don't know it can't be worse though!!  Good Night everyone, you're all awesome =)  Be happy!


Sunday, February 7, 2010

Super Bowl, Super Big Butt

As I watched the Super Bowl Game tonight, I reflected on past super bowl eating experiences:  Huge steaks, chicken wings, frozen mystery snacks upon snacks, nacho cheese buckets, and lots of pop!!!  The year that takes the cake would be the one that sparked a horrible gall bladder attack.  Nice.  Tonight, I had a grilled portabella sandwich with a side of creamy adzuki beans (from RHIW) and a few organic corn chips and salsa.  I splurged with a scoop of organic coconut milk mint ice cream.  Wow, what a huge difference from the past.  Even the Ice cream was more like a couple spoon fulls from a pint that I normally would eat the whole thing.  I haven't really been eating sweets and it's amazing how you kind of lose the need or tolerence for too sweet of foods.  Based on my past Super Bowl game eating frenzies I'm not surprised I got a super big butt.  And Super Bowls of past is just one example of my many opportunities to over eat.  Sadly.  I think I was in some serious denial, like oh yeah I ate a  ton of food, but I had water instead of pop so woohoo I'm healthy!!  I honestly think I was on my way to SERIOUS health problems.  Being vegan is not right for everybody, I hope my friends and family know that I do not look down on ANYBODY for their personal choices.  This is about me and my body's needs right now and the whole experience of my journey.  I'm finding it to be a total mind, body & spirit overhaul.  I am too happy with myself to think badly of others.  It's so much easier to love others when you love and are kind to yourself.  So, weight loss for the week: (drum roll) 3 pounds!  Total weight loss for 3 weeks vegan: 24 pounds.  Weight loss doing 2 week weight loss cleans: 14 pounds.  Thus ends the 2 week program I was trying for Tess' book (which I get to be in so everyone buy it, lol).  I am going to continue with it, as it's very easy to do and I basically have made it my routine now.  So far, so good friends!!  I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to be part of the group for the book.  I met great people (Tracy!!) and actually learned a new way of life for me.  I was a little lucky having just become vegan because doing the 2 week program actually taught me how to eat as a vegan and I lucked out that it is a healthy doable way to live.  For example I could have learned an unhealthy way to be vegan (yes, you still can eat unhealthy even as a vegan).  Wow, a second chance after I lived SO unhealthy before.  I'm groovin' on it right now, thinks are great and I've never been more positive.  Let's do stats:

Huger:  Nope, I have to admit I splurgd just a little today.  Good late breakfast burrito w/ scrambled tofu and facon, no lunch, and my dinner I stated above.
Mood:  So happy =)
Cravings:  No, I may have a moment like oh, that donut smells good, but it passes quickly.
Health:  So good.  I missed taking my allergy pills for a week and didn't have a reaction.

I'm happy I can control my celebratory meals now.  I hate not feeling in control of my eating.  I'm getting it back, which is a very liberating thing.  No more super big butt!! YAY =)  (well, getting there)  Goodnight everyone, I'm sending you love =)  Be happy!!


Saturday, February 6, 2010

No animals were harmed while typing this blog!

I have to be honest, I never really thought much about what happens to animals to become food.  Let me clarify that, I never LET myself think about the animals.  It was just easier for me to let myself  believe that my steak came from a steak orchard where they hand picked and wrapped my porter house somewhere in Michigan.  The truth is I do love animals and I do care what happens to them, so it was easier to disassociate them from the foods I was eating.  Not very clever true, but self-preservation non the less.  My sister-in-law (Shannan) and I were talking about how we both at different times have thought about meat and said yuck about it.  We both agree, it's not because we are now suddenly soap box vegans, but we have grown accustomed to the healthful feeling without meat and the "lightness of body and spirit" we both feel now.  Now, meat is "ick" to me.  Which is weird as I can still remember the taste of meat and still like it.  I allow myself now to think of the ramifications our food industry has on animals as well as humans.  It's pretty scary and if ever I had a just reason to say ick, it's now.  For those of you following my blog daily, you know I was mentally pre-planning my snacks today since I had to be at the school.  It went well!  Even though I had to get up at an ungodly time of 6:00 a.m. (which was actually 5:45!!  My husband had set the alarm fast to help protect himself from over-sleep).  Some how I managed.   I totally fell asleep while typing and I couldn't figure out what the heck I was talking about just now!! LOL.  Whew, probably should do stats:

Hunger:  Only when and where it should be.
Mood:  Great!  Husband and I are doing great, probably do to my good mood.
Cravings:  None!  Maybe a little sweet.
Health:  Really good.

Again, I think I'm just more aware now.  I'm not going to start throwing red paint on peoples fur coats (half are probably fake anyway), but I am way more aware now.  I feel like I'm learning so much every day and it's changing the way I think and do things.  The ripple effect spreads!  Good night everyone!  Be happy =)


Friday, February 5, 2010

pioneering with pancakes

I felt quite the cook today.  It's funny how that can really depend on our mood.  For example if my kitchen is messy, and it often is, then I feel too stressed out to do a lot of cooking.  But when the kitchen is cleaned and the stars are all lined up right, then back up give me some room because I can cook up a storm.  So, I find I have come to find some dishes that I rely on when cooking is not in my stars.  For now, It seems to be sauteed mushroom and onions and garlic.  I love it, I could eat a whole plate of that. Another is a quick tostada.  I'm still going through RHIW for recipes and trying new things.  Today I made a miso dressing!  Yum, it is so good.  Luckily, I have been saving all my glass bottles so it has a container.  It is totally fresh and organic and I love thinking I made this from "scratch" makes me feel so pioneer!!  In fact, I was thinking that very thing when I was eating the multigrain pancakes one day.  "this is probably closer to the pioneers pancakes than to our current ones".  There's something satisfying about that.  I have some beans in the pot soaking for tomorrow, dishes are done.  Why does it make me feel so homey?  I almost feel like running upstairs and grab my knitting...almost!! (there's a lot of stairs and I'm tired).  No cravings really today.  I think I may have to try out some desserts, I do have a little sweet tooth.  I think I'll wait till after the 2 week weight loss cleanse is over on Sunday.  Uggghhh, I'm so nervous about this weigh in.  Last week I had the diarreha and this week I have my period, I always gain weight and am hungry when I have my period!!  I don't want to disappoint anyone, least of all me!!  But like I said yesterday, this is a long road.  I can't be all weird about it now.  I'm just putting this out of my mind.  Tess is so nice and understanding, I don't think she'll be mad at me no matter what happens.  I just hate letting people down.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me...oh, why did I eat that dumb Taco Bell?!  I have to go to the school tomorrow for an open house for new families so I have to be prepared!!!  I will take some fresh snacks and a health bar.  See??  Pre plan, pre plan, pre plan!!  Now, up till now I haven't done any exercise.  I'm going to throw the excuse out there that it was hard enough adapting to my new eating lifestyle without throwing exercise in the mix.  But, it's getting easier and I think I'm ready.  I think I'd like to get back to Yoga again.  The teacher I had, Teiji is wonderful.  She has a studio built behind her big farmhouse.  It's really beautiful there.  Oddly enough, becoming vegan has given me some similar feelings I get when doing yoga.  Peaceful, relaxed, nicer...a conicedence?  Maybe, but I doubt it.  I think it happens anytime you're working on your physical, emotional and spiritual well being.  Hmmm, let's do stats.  My computer is being slow and it drives me crazy and makes me feel like I have to pee!!

Hunger:  Not as bad, I controlled it better today
Mood:  Happy =)
Cravings:  No, nothing I couldn't contron, maybe a little sweet tooth!
Health:  A little tired but feeling fine.

I've got to keep it together these last couple days of the program.  I want to finish strong.  I think I will keep following this program, maybe not as strict, but pretty close. I find I do well on it.  I'll let you all know how goes with the exercise and yoga.  Love to you all!  Goodnight and be happy =)


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Taco Bell hell!

Wow, today was an eater day for me.  I ate WAY to much and was tempted sorely.  It started out just fine.  I drank my lemon water and had a cup of whole fruit (raspberries).  But then I was still hungry, so I ate an Amy's organic breakfast burrito.  Then I had to get ready and take Logan to the Dr. and I ALWAYS have to look good to go to the Dr.  Mostly cause I have a crush on him, but also because I try to pull myself together for people I don't see that often.  Normally I rarely wear make-up but for the Dr., I put on the works.  It took a little long, as I was deciding if black eyeliner was a little much for 11:40 a.m.  So, I was running late and planned poorly.  Of course we had to wait and by the timewe were done it was 1:00.  We went to the grocery store and shopped around while they filled his medecine and I was starving.  I wanted meat, I wanted everything!  Donuts, meat, tofu, it didn't matter.  Fortunately, I made it out without spending too much but they had a good Kombucha variety, so I stocked up on that.  But we were starving for lunch and my son begged Taco Bell.  Now, I love Taco Bell.  I told you I love all the bad stuff.  I did eat Taco Bell, but I got a bean burrito Fresco style (no cheese).  That's not too bad but I got a 7 layer burrito too (minus sour cream and cheese).  I could've stopped after the first, but I was so hungry I kept going.  Here's the thing.  Before, as in 2 1/2 weeks ago, I probably would've had 3 or 4 items!!  But I felt bad.  But not too bad to eat Chinese food for dinner!!!  Yep, I just said that.  On top of it all, I ate bean curd for dinner.  Which was awesome, but bad in a delicious way.  I think I have to write this day off as an eater day and turn the page.  Fortunately, I haven't messed tomorrow up so there's all day to make better choices.  It's funny though, I've been so much better about listening to my body that when I over ate today I really notice how I feel.  I don't like it.  Once again it comes down to not having a plan.  In my defense, with going to the was hard.  Of course, if I wouldn't have spent so much time primping, I might have been able to throw some healthy snacks together.  Oh, well.  It's all a learning experience.  At least I didn't eat any animal products, which is the thing I would have been sick about if I'd done.  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  Yes, very.
Mood:  Good, happy.
Cravings: Yes, I wanted everything.
Health:  Feeling good.

I definitely am starting to be able (where I never could before) know when to stop eating.  But I obviously still have some pitt falls to watch.  I still have some over eating tendacies that get triggered when I'm really hungry.  I'm still learning, stumbling.  It's a long road, so I'm not going to beat my self up for it.  I have all of you giving me support and that means a lot.  Thanks everyone.  Good night, I hope you are all healthy and happy =)


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Tools for Life

Well, I know we're supposed to love ourselves and be kind to ourselves, but sometimes it's hard.  Like today when I went to go pick up my youngest (Carter) from preschool.  I got there early, and instead of milling about in the lobby, I decided to take this time to pluck my eyebrows.  My mini van in the middle of the day is the best place to do this.  The mirror is nice and close, the natural light illuminates my face perfectly so I can see every hair.  It was iluuminated so nicely in fact that I got a good look at my face!  AHhhhhhhh!!!  I look like the wolf girl escaped from the circus.  Good Lord!  I was just doing luch duty in the school, those kids are going to make fun of me and call me "hairy".  Hello, Mrs. Hairy.  I don't even care if other parents in that parking lot were watching, I was dethatching my brows (which looks like Brezhnev's if I don't shape them and maintain them), pluching my chin and my upper lip (I have a lucky, lucky husband) till I was red.  Then all the lines and menstration induced pimples became apparent.  It was then that I remembered why make-up was invented.  I looked in my Whole Foods Encyclopedia, but I didn't see anything about eating for unwanted facial hair.  That's a little dissapointing.  Mostly because I see that there is no "cure all" for everything that is unwanted.  I have to keep myself grounded in realizing that being vegan is not the answer to everything.  There will still be moustache hairs and chin hairs.  I cannot hide behind the food and say "fix me".  Althought this diet is very benneficial, I must still see there is work to do.  I still have to exercise and pluck my face and clean the house (wow, I can dream though..."carrot, get busy with the dishes while radish dusts!").  All we can do is pick our tools in life that helps us the best.  This is why not everyone is vegan or vegetarian or Catholic.  For now my tool of choice is being vegan.  A long time ago, I realized that the people you surround yourself with is very important to your well being.   They are tools for life as well.  And I'm talking about the people very closest to you.  I was at a time in my life when I felt very sad or let down by people.  #1 I learned people are who they are and people can only give you what they have in their ability to give.  If this is unsatisfactory to you, you need to decide if they're worth keeping in your life or not.  If they are, quit feeling bad all the time and accept them for who they are and what they bring.  Adjust what you bring if you need to.  If they are not worth it, cut them.  Nicely, but do it.  It is up to you and no one else to make you happy.  Life is always happening, you have to move on in a positive way.  The #2 thing I learned is that if I surrounded myself with people I admired qualities in, then I learned from them.  What are Mom's told us as teens is so true!  My closest friends, every one of them are people I highly admire for many reasons.  What I give them, I get back.  These are enriching mutually benneficial (I hope!) relasionships.  What does this have to do with food?  Well, I'm glad you asked!!  I have chosen my diet to be like my friendships.  This tool to get me through life MUST be giving as well as getting.  I must do my part of the relationship (exercising, cleaning, preparing meals, buying whole organic foods...) to reap the bennefite (and there's many) to my new diet.  It's not easy.  No, relationship is.  But it takes us both.  I'm just glad I figured this out =)  Here's stats:

Hunger:  Very today for lunch, I was in the lunchroom and ate late!!
Mood:  Happy!!
Cravings:  Nope
Health:  Very good, even with the period and zits and....(whisper) facial hair!!

Here's to you all out there, thanks for reading mmy blog and giving me support.  May you all be surrounded by the very greatest of friends and tools to get you through your life =)  We're all in this together, always remember that!  Goodnight and good health =)


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Dang, my gym teachers were right!

Well, it's official.  I'm pretty sure I'm about ready to start my period.  But I've had none of the usual short tempered crabbiness that usually marks this time.  Today I feel kind of paranoid, like everyone thinks I'm dumb and thinks everything I say is dumb, but not like I want to karate chop everyone who gets in my way.  That and being a little tired and faintly crampy are my signs. (That and the fact I was crying while listening to "Cats Cradle" on the radio)  Is it true being vegan helps you?  Definitely, maybe.  This will be my first one as a vegan, so my hopes are high.  I think perhaps it appeals to my desire to want to control myself.  I never really thought I was controlling.  I'm not an "A" type personality either.  But I find that I'm really liking certain aspects of the vegan diet.  For example, I've really enjoyed learning the medicinal values to food.  It appeals to me to be able to eat certain things to control a symptom I may be having.  I also like the way I feel in control of myself and my body.  I like thinking that I can control the nutrition I put into me.  I was a closet control freak and didn't even know it!!  I guess there were signs.  I couldn't stand it when my boys played with play-doh and mixed all the colors together.  It was all I could do to NOT ban them from playing with it.  I wanted to ban them though.  It is really frustrating  to think that all my crazy gym teachers may have been right, all these years ago.  "You just need to quit drinking pop and exercise to get rid of your cramps and moodiness!!"  Gasp, they were right?  It really didn't seem like they could be at the time.  I just figured they took gleeful pleasure in being sadistic to a crabby, crampy teenager.  I think I might have switched a long time ago to vegan if I would have known.  I really hated that feeling of not being able to control my mood.  I think I can feel proud of being controlling in this case.  I think it's good to be able to control oneself, whether it's the amount of food you're eating or the moodiness that you unleash on unsuspecting people!!  I think it's all about finding that right balance (which is hard!) of being a healthy control freak as opposed to being a scary control freak.  Allowing yourself some "me" time as opposed to being too self involved.  It's amazing the things I'm realizing.  I feel like I've been asleep for the last decade and a half!  I really wonder at why we come to things when we do.  I'm just gonna let it go and be grateful I got it.  Let's see stats:

Hunger:  I think I'm training my hunger to Tess' cleanse.  I'm really hungry in the morning and it gets less strong each meal I eat.  I'm not too hungry at dinner.
Mood:  I cried to Cat's Cradle on the radio...what do you think??
Cravings:  None today, I think I've noticed a slight increase in a sweet tooth, but I haven't indulged.
Health:  Feeling good.

So, I close today thinking about my controlling nature.  My impulse is to stop myself, and denie any controllingness to my nature.  But it's there and that doesn't have to be a bad thing with enough balance =)  Good night everyone, be happy !!

Visualize white miso

I think I'm starting to get a more discerning taste with food.  I've been purified from my old hot dog and bologna ways and I'm tasting from a "cleaner" palate now.  I was at a restaurant with my son, scared? Don't be!  I had Navy Bean soup and salad!! and I got Greek salad dressing on my salad.  I was a little disappointed though because the oil in the dressing tasted old.  Old oil.  Me, I tasted old oil.  Hahahahaha, do you know how funny this is to me?  Old days my sister-in-law would TELL me there's old oil in my dressing and I'd try real hard to taste it and eat it anyway because I couldn't tell what she was talking about!!  So I ate my soup (delicious!) and NOT my salad.  Wow, it takes me a way shorter time to make up my mind ordering.  Out of a 200 item menu, there's now really only three things I can order and usually at least 1 of them inevitably ends up being vegetable stir fry.  It's like the chef's everywhere become flumexed when trying to think of a vegan meal.  "you know, let them have a stir fry".  That's okay, I like stir fry.  But my friend and I went to a Chinese restaurant and I had bean curd in a delicious hot sauce. Hello, I think I've found a new craving!!  Great 'cause every fat girl needs a craving, right?  Wrong!!  I'm trying to scrap that condition.  Could I be PMS'ing?  Maybe, but I'm not as harpyish as I normally am at that time.  Tess said she used to get PMS, but not after becoming vegan.  Could veganism be the Dr. Feelgood we've all waited for?  IF I could bottle this I'd be a MILLIONAIRE.  And then Rick couldn't yell at me anymore about money.  Which he hasn't because veganism has cured my indulgent, spendy ways.  Want a bottle?  Well, maybe I'm not completely cured, but at least I've been better!! ;)  Speaking of being spend conscious- I've been trying to do some price comparisons on my healthy food.  You know what I decided?  I live in the black hole of health.  If you don't believe me, come around here on Dingus Day.  Pretty much everyone charges about the same prices.  I'm on the hunt for white miso, because I want to make this one salad dressing from RHIW.  It's very frusterating when you can't find an ingredient.  We'll never get a Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, because the business people will come during Dingus Day and see all the sausage and eggs and decide nobody wants to be healthy here and they'll leave.  I forgot to try to be positive.  Okay, maybe they'll come on Dingus Day and see all the drunk people eating sausage and eggs and say:  "we have to help these poor, sad, unhealthy people" and they'll build 2 stores each right away!  Either way I'm not getting my white miso any time soon darn it!  Visualize the miso.  Visualization is a tool to use during this 2 week cleanse I'm participating (starting week 2 thank you!) in.  I'm no stranger to visualization.  During my pregnancy after I lost my baby Seth to stillbirth, I did yoga and would use visualization.  I imagined a white light protecting my baby in my womb.  It might have helped because that was my first son Logan.  So I've been using it again to help me stay centered during this crazy transitioning time for me.  I don't even know why I stopped because it is an extremely helpful way to destress.  It was a busy, stressful day today, I need to go visualize.  Let's look at stats:

Hunger:  Weird, I'm either really hungry or not at all.
Mood:  Good, a little stressed.
Cravings:  Bean Curd!
Health:  Yay!!  All back to normal!

Well, wish me luck on week 2 of the cleanse and week 3 on veganism.  I'm afraid it will be hard to top the 21 pounds from before.  I'm a little nervous about it actually.  Ahhh, time to visualize!!  Goodnight everybody, be happy =)