Sunday, January 31, 2010

"That's obese!"

I held my breath and stepped on the "scale".  The mocking voice chirps out: "that's obese". (Yes, I'm using the WII FIT PLUS).  Well, I knew that.  But at least it's not as obese as before!!  I lost another 11 pounds!  So week 1 of the weight loss program is 11 pounds.  The 2 weeks I've been eating vegan, I started out at 266 and today's weight was 245.  That's a total of 21 pounds!!  I have to say that I really have been noticing the fat come off my stomach.  I was a little nervous at first like, really?  20 pounds in 2 weeks, is this healthy?  But I eat a lot!  I never feel hungry, sometimes I feel like oh, wow I ate too much!  In the middle of the second week I really started noticing that my stomach and thighs were shrinking.  I figured this has to be healthy because every  time I dieted in the past, I would lose weight but it took A LOT to get it off my stomach.  That was usually the LAST place it came off!!  I know I'm making big jumps now, but it will level off.  I figure my body is willing to give up the fat because it doesn't need it.  It's like I'm putting higher efficiency gas in my car.  It runs better and it's not putting out as much noxious fumes!!  (hey, and this would be true too!!).   Even though I've said (and mean) that I'm doing this for health, I can't help the little thrill of pleasure knowing that I've lost 21 pounds.  It's the difference between having heart burn and feeling good, tired and cranky to feeling energetic and positive.  It's the difference to my clothes feeling uncomfortable and tight and feeling comfortable and confident.  That's a big difference.  That's a difference that I can live without meat, dairy, chemicals & preservatives indefinitely.  I could walk out this door tomorrow and get hit by a car.  But at least, however briefly, I will have finally found the "secret" for me to live healthy.  That stupid WII Fit voice can tell me I'm obese, and I still am, but it can't read my heart.  In my heart I know I won't be obese forever if I can help it. Let's look at my stats:

Hunger:  I have really been doing good with this.  I even took veggies with me to the movie theater so I wasn't tempted or get too hungry.
Mood:  Pretty good, calm.
Cravings:  I was getting hungry and I saw McDonald's and I thought of a burger for about 60 seconds and then I was over it.
Health:  System still getting back.  At least I'm completely cleaned out!!  Energy back to good.

Looking forward to another week.  Making menus is exciting, trying a new recipe of Tess' is exciting.  I haven't been having this much fun with cooking and trying new things in a long time.  I was stuck in like the same 7 meals over and over.  If nothing else, becoming vegan has snapped me out of the dining boredom =)  Thanks for your support I hope I'm making you all proud.  Good night everyone, be healthy =)


My genes are too big!

My Sister, Mom and I were discussing our family genes tonight.  We really got the short end of the stick.  We come from a very long line of pretty big people.  Part of the reason I decided to try the vegan life style is because I thought that it is so radically different than anything I've done before.  Nothing seemed to work before, at least not for long.  So, now I have to throw into the mix with my bad habits, my super sized genes!!  Great, a recipe for disaster.  How can I trick my genes into letting me break free from the things that have made me unhealthy?  Total change in eating.  Not a small effort like I'll eat lean meat, but total elimination from my diet of all animal products.  That includes eggs and dairy.  I figured that perhaps if I could get rid of all the triggers that may lead back to the old ways, maybe, just maybe, I can be successful in finding a way to reverse my unhealthiness and keep my big genes at bay.  I'm doing well.  I try to take it one day at a time.  All I can do is each day commit to myself  that today I will eat healthier, live healthier be positive this day.  I try not too think way ahead; it's too daunting.  I want to try to break my big genes of doom that seem to hang over my head, giving me a reason to fail before I've even tried.  Will it work forever?  I don't know.  I have hope though.  Some old habits are changing, for example I often had snacks later at night, but I've stopped that by shooting not to eat after 7:00.  I've also been eating lighter at night for dinner.  Today for example, I was with my Mom, Sister, Aunt and Cousins.  They had a lot of delicious food I normally would have delighted in.  Some how  I managed to keep it together and have my soup.  I keep running through my head these questions:  Will it taste as good as I think?  How will eating it make me feel?  Will my health benefit from this?  Oddly enough these questions help me stay focused and looking at the big picture.  This is the first battle in changing my big genes.  Yes, DNA is there and that's hard to re-write, but we pass down way more than just that.  We pass down our eating behaviors and  methods and traditions.  If you can start changing these things that are changeable, than hopefully down the DNA line maybe someday those genes will change too.  I want smaller genes.  And jeans.  *Yawn*  Time for stats:

Hunger:  Good, I ate bigger for lunch which left me not as hungry for dinner.
Mood:  Good, I love my family =)
Cravings:  I peeked longingly at my sis's taco dip, but otherwise not too bad.
Health:  I feel better, by bowels are trying to get normal again.

Tomorrow is weigh in day.  It should be exciting!!  It's nice that the weight's coming off.  It's a nice physical evidence that I'm getting healthier (it's not like I can look at my liver!).  Good night everyone, be healthy =)


Saturday, January 30, 2010

listening to my body, finally!

Today, despite the continued diarrhea, I was at least able to eat.  Now more than ever I'm really aware of what I'm putting into my body and listening to what my body needs.  I never really thought about it before that my body may be communicating with me.  For example, even though I've been craving hummus, I had no taste for it today and knew it was a bad idea.   For dinner I ended up with a grilled portabella cap sandwich.  It was really yummy.  I still had diarrhea, but I felt good eating it like it was what I needed at that moment.  I remember back when I was trying to get pregnant (it took me 3 years) I totally knew my body in terms of ovulation.  How ridiculous am I, that I never applied that concept further with food.  Clearly, as my butt kept getting bigger, my body was like: "yuck! I don't need this!!"  But I ignored it.  I got mad at it!  For the next how many years I veered between loathing my body and not listening to or understanding it.  My goal is to now get to know my body again.  It is not the body of an 18 year old who could eat whatever crap I wanted and not gain weight anymore.  I think I can get past this now.  I need to get to know my body as a 38 year old body that deserves some attention from me and frankly, some respect.  I see the way my body is responding to the foods I'm eating.  The fat is coming off my stomach like my body woke up and was like "what's this?  I don't need all this fat, burn it!!"  I never considered that I wasn't being nice to myself, I never considered I was working against my body instead of with it.  I want to change this; I already am.  It's amazing everything I am getting out of this new life style.  I thought I was self contemplative before, geeze!!  Which brings up the point that I feel like I've been so self-absorbed these 2 weeks.  I'm not used to focusing so hard on me.  So here are my goal:  listening to my body's needs.  I think eating as a vegan is really allowing me to achieve this.  It's late, let's do stats:

Hunger:  Coming back.
Mood:  Happy =)
Cravings:  None.  Still recovering!
Health:  Still have diarreha and a little weak.

Thank you all for visiting my blog and leaving wonderful comments.  You have supported me and keep me going and believing in myself.  I won't let you all down, and I won't let my body down.  Anymore.  Good night everyone, be happy!!


Thursday, January 28, 2010

Ugh!! Not feeling good at all today!!!

I went to bed with a happy glow of friendship and I woke up with a pain in my stomach!  I went about my morning as normal, but soon the diarreha started and I was done!!  I havn't been able to eat since breakfast because my stomach hurts so bad and everything comes out =(.  I know it must be a bug because my friend and neighbor has it as well.  Great.  What does a vegan do for this?  Do I do what I always did? It's funny how when  you're doing something new and a problem occurs you go dumb.  What should I do?  Like I never had diarreha before.  Hell, with IBS that was almost an every day occurance!  But wow, what a come down from feeling so great to this!  Huddled on the couch, slightly dehydraded with a sore butt.  Even worse, it's going to mess with my weight loss numbers for the trial study of the program.  Bummer.  Now I'll have to explain this weight dip as the moment my bowels would NOT cooperate with my eating plan.  Oh, well.  Life happends.  And my sock has a hole in the toe =(.  I don't want to suffer you with my whining, so I'm cutting this REAL short (plus I have to poop again).  Stats:

Hunger- ugh, no!!
Mood- good, but tired (and whiney)
Cravings- ugh, no!!
Health- ugh, no!! Poop!!!!

Good night everyone, wish me luck that this is kicked tomorrow!!!  Be happy =)


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The value of a vegan treat from a friend

I just have to say how much I love my friends.  This new lifestyle is not easy and I've gotten nothing but support and encouragement from all of them.  One of my friends just told me she got me a vegan treat to have during an informal meeting at school where coffee and donuts are served.  How cool is that?  I suppose this might have been a lot harder if I didn't have people like this in my corner who want me to succeed.  It makes me feel loved.  To all my friends, family, team members and anyone that reads this thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I send you love back and all my warm blessings to you.  It's been a week and a half since I've become vegan and I feel great.  I keep saying this not to drive you all crazy with my repetition of thoughts, but rather because I am totally astounded by it.  I told Tess (author of RHIW- see website at bottom of my page in orange, if you're interested in her book) that I almost feel like I took a narcotic that's how crazy good I feel.  I think maybe because this is so new to me that I can really compare it to how I used to feel.  I'm sure I'll eventually get used to it, but for now I'm feeling the most energy, well being, peaceful, calm & happy than I've felt in a LONG time.  My good mood effects others.  My children are more happy and relaxed because I'm not short patient with them.  My husband (although still angry with me about money) hasn't yelled at me or fight with me because I'm so peaceful.  Well, except yesterday when somebody made me really angry with good cause.  But hey!  I'm no pushover no matter HOW happy or good I feel =).  I hope this period of astonished well being lasts for a while.  I like the fact that I'm not used to it.  I like the fact that I appreciate it.  I want to hold on to this feeling and remember it as the time I saved myself from myself.  Or maybe I didn't. Why did that voice tell me to become vegan?  Who was that voice?  Thank you whoever you are, whether you believe it was spirit guides, angels, my conscious, a life force, or that I hear voices 'cause I'm crazy, or my 5 year old whispering it to me,  thank you.  I still have to watch myself.  The issues I had with eating before being vegan are still there.  Like an alcoholic can't stop drinking, I sometimes have a hard time to stop eating something I really like.  I see now that hummus is a food under watch with me.  I could happily eat the hell out of a whole thing of it if I let myself.  Will I always be a foodholic?  It's kinda not fair because I can't just stop eating like drug addicts or alcoholics can not have their drugs/drink.  I have to eat to live.  I must be vigilant.  I guess I've taken a step in the right way with this eating, because at least the foods I'm addicted to now are about 1/2 if not less as bad as before.  So yes, I'd rather be addicted to hummus (blended chickpeas) than cupcakes.  Ahh, yes.  It's the little things we do for ourselves =).  Speaking of that should I reward myself for sticking to my lifestyle and losing weight?  I used to reward myself with food, which now in retrospect doesn't seem like that good of an idea.  I could buy myself something, but I would bring the wrath of my frugal husband down upon me.  I don't want that.  Besides, that's what got him mad at me in the first place.  I know, I know, it's my fault.  But see when you're not happy and feel your missing something, than I just figured that something was expensive purses and shoes!!!  There is a method behind that madness and it is this:  shoes and purses never cared how much I weighed.  Not a bit.  So, I thought I should bring them home and love them =).  My husband didn't love them so much.  So, maybe I should NOT reward myself but rather revel in the way I feel.  And the support I get.  And the love of my friends and family.  I think I could live like that!!  Let's see my stats:

Hunger:  Wow, pretty good.  I had a scarey moment at the kid's school 'cause I was so hungry, but I ate green beans.
Mood:  Whooohooo.  Awesome! 
Cravings: Hummus...yummus
Health:  I felt so good, I jogged back to my house from the kid's bus stop.  Not that this is a long way BUT I risked serious mockery from anybody watching and I didn't care =)

I hope you are all feeling good out there.  I wish you all health and vitality and the joy of living.  I've had my share of horrible times and I've had my share of wonderful.  I have to say that it is the total experience that makes life beautiful.  where there's good, there's bad,  where there's light, there's dark, where there's up, there's down.  It is a balanced universe.  Hang on for all the joy, I'm sending it your way.  I want to share my "good" with you.  =)  Goodnight everyone, be healthy!


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I kicked it vegan style!

Haha!  (that's a laugh of victory, picture me with my head back and hands on hips and legs apart.   Not unlike you'd picture a viking after a raid)  Haha!  I kicked it vegan style today!!  I worked the 2 week weight loss program into my VERY busy schedule today and frankly I feel triumphant.  I drank the water, I ate the veggies, I stopped the higher carbs and fats after 3 And I ate split pea soup for dinner.  I did this all while having to drop off Carter at preschool, go to read to my assigned 4th grader at the school, go to a conference for spring book fair, make the children do homework AND make my family's and my dinner.  And they tried to tempt me with free turkey croissants and cheese and potato chips at the conference.  Heretics!  You can't make me submit with turkey!  HaHaHaHa.  I ate my multi grain super yummy pancakes before I went.  Whew!  I think I'm getting a little crazy energy tonight.  I even (sort of) got exercise by shoveling my drive.  Yes, I know it wasn't a lot of snow but still.  There's a lot of bending and arm movement involved that I say counts, especially if you're like I was and haven't moved your fat butt off the couch except to go get a snack!   Dang it!  I hear my husband downstairs on the treadmill.  He's just trying to show me up.  Now today was all about planning, or at least keeping my day in the back of my head.  I knew they'd have something to eat at that conference and so I ate before and ate some cold veggies right before.  I was on it today.  I wish everyday could be like this; you know where it was a busy day but you just swam through it like no big deal?
I have to admit, I've noticed a big increase in my cheerfulness and outlook.  WAY more positive.  I've been getting into reading about foods and what medicinal values they can bring.  It's called: "The Whole Foods Encyclopedia" by Rebecca Wood.  It is facinating!  For example, carrots (organic, so there's no chemicals on it) is good to help remedy PMS.  I told my husband that and he told me to go buy a truck full!!  Hahaha....ha..hey, wait a minute!  I wasn't that bad was I?  Okay, maybe.  We'll see how this does for a true, right in the middle of it, PMS cycle.  Wow, I just had a scary moment where I thought I lost this.  I can't re-create that kind of stream of free thinking if I tried!!  We better do stats:

Hunger:  Managed nicely, I made sure I had mini meals filled with lots of raw veggies.
Mood:  Super awesome =)
Cravings:  Oh, I love that hummus.  I put it in toasted mini pita pockets and make a side of greens with olive oil & balsamic vinegar mixed lightly with it & scallions.  Then I put the greens in the pockets with the hummus...oooh I'm getting hungry.
Health:  No more IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), no more heartburn, no depression.  I feel good, and I mean James frickin' Brown kinda good!! =)

Now if I could get my kitchen to how I want it I will be REALLY happy.  It's half cleaned and I'm not satisfied with the arrangement of my pantry.  Did I mention what a biotch it has been fitting old foods and my new healthy stuff together??  I will slowly kick out the old stuff, but till then...!  I'm afraid I need a new, bigger  fridge too!  Enter argument about money with my husband.  Okay, I'll wait.   Goodnight everyone, be happy =)


Monday, January 25, 2010

Come on Kombucha!!

Uggh!  I ate too much tonight.  I was so hungry I over did it on the hummus.  It's funny to note that no matter what you eat, too much is still too much.  I tried a new drink today called Kombucha .  It's a fermented Chinese Tea.  I was really skeptical about it, but I really liked it!  It's really great for a lot of things: it's a probiotic, an anti-aging proponent, natural appetite suppressant, a weight loss aide, great for nails and hair.  I got the grape one and it's yummy.  But do not smell it!  It smells gross.  Kind of vinegary.  I'm trying all kinds of new things eating vegan, stuff I'd probably never would have tried before.  I'm enjoying it and am even getting into reading about the medicinalqualities of different foods.  It's really interesting!  It's been such a challenge learning to be and cook as a vegan, that I have to be more dilligent with this 2 week diet I'm on.  I feel I really tanked on it today.  I ate hummus till I was about to burst!  (still trying to find that STOP button on eating).  I also haven't exercised.  I could play fat and say I'm so large and out of shape I have to lose more to be able to do it.  That would be a lie though.  I'm perfectly capable to work out; I just don't want to!  Now on top of eating healthy, I have to exercise too??  Good grief.  And I suppose blogging doesn't count?  My fingers are flying over these keys man!  It's gotta be burning off some calories!!  On a happy note my Dad was very supportive of my vegan diet and even said he'd help me start an organic garden!  He has had many gardens in his life and is well versed in organic gardening.  It's too bad I had no real interest to learn any of that when I was young.  Better late than never!  We better do stats, 'cause I'm about falling asleep.  My husband accidently set the alarm for 6 intstead of 7 this morning!

Hunger: was fine till dinner, then Uggh!  too much.
Mood: Not bad considering my husband is yelling at me about money again!
Cravings:  None today, except for hummus.  Will I start craving my new foods now?
Health:  Good, but the hummus gave me gas, oops!!

You know, you don't have to become vegan to try different things.  Kombucha, miso soup, even hummus was not on my list of things I'd try before.  I say, break out of your comfort zone!  Challenge yourself to make something fresh, wholesome and nutritious.  It's hard for my generation.  We were the first to get fast food on a more regular basis.  We were the ones that got all the foods with a shelf life of 200 years.  We were the ones who were told to eat margarine instead of butter, only to find out it was FULL of trans fat.  Be brave, be daring. There's a fresher world out there, I swear =)  Goodnight friends, be happy!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Weight a minute...what?

Okay, so now for the big weight reveal.  After 1 week, no meat, no dairy, no pop I lost .....11 pounds!!  Yep, I just said that. 11 pounds!!  I couldn't believe it.  I know a lot is water weight, because I feel so not bloated, but still...11 pounds!  Remember everyone, that I started at a very heavy weight so my body is more able to give it up quickly.  It will probably not be quite as much next week.  Still, I'm doing a happy dance =)  Now, I have to tell you about these awesome pancakes I ate today....I know, you're like "But pancakes are the most fattening, terrible thing out there for you baked by the devil!"  But THESE pancakes aren't.  I loved them!  They have a little crunch to them that I truly love.  The mix you make has all kinds of delicious, healthy things.  I was really skepticle that it would be gross, but they were so good.  They even had flax meal in them.  I am so excited, because every time I use to eat pancakes I felt my butt get bigger by the mouthful!!  Not anymore.  In fact, I've been eating all sorts of food that tastes like I should feel guily, but don't need to be.  It is so weird walking around not feeling guilty about what I just ate.  In fact, I didn't even realize how I used to feel all the time.  I guess I was used to feeling guilty since I was raised Catholic and that's a big requirement of the church to feel guilty.  Talk about guilty, I got on the Wii fit plus and I hadn't been on it for like 265 days.  And since the last time I weighed in on it that long ago, I've gained 27 bounds!!  Yay me!  Good lord.  I can gain and lose 30 lbs. faster than Oprah and Kirsty Ally (I don't know how to spell her name and I don't care) combined.  Clearly this has been an on going thing in my life.  I'm hoping with my new life style that I will have better control over my weight.  My hopes are high and my outlook positive!   I even ate a salad with grape tomatoes and green pepper in it!!  Of course I cut them up in small pieces, but I ate them!!!  I especially HATE tomatoes and green pepper.  I didn't die or puke.  I can't say I'd get a bumper sticker over them, but I didn't puke.  If I can get myself to do that, there is hope for this world yet.  I went to a retaurant with my friends and I felt like a fraud talking to them about being vegan.  It's only been one week and I feel if any long time vegan heard me, they'd still smell the meat taint on me!!  Like I'm some pathetic poser..."what up vegan girlfriends, want to go eat some tahini and drink kombucha with me??" Hahaha.  But, at least I can watch other people eat meat with a more detached eye now.  I still (obviously) remember what it tastes like and I like it, but I don't want it.  It's weird.  And looking at the menu it really hit home how much meat I use to eat!  Good grief.  I also heard that there is a big disagreement over honey in the vegan world.  Some say to TRULY be vegan you cannot eat it.  Others say bee keepers are good to their bees so what's the prob?  I never ate honey all that much so I guess I won't lose my vegan card over that issue.  However, I have to admit.  And this is bad, I mean bad.  I secretly can't wait for my son's fish to die because I'm sick of the tank and he never cleans it or remembers to feed it.  Maybe I'll have to give it back for that, I don't know.  But I did always say I'm doing this for health, not activism.  Oh, well.  I'll eat some extra plants while I wait for it to die.  Let's see my stats:

Hunger: managed nicely
Cravings:  A little sad looking at my son's scrambled eggs but not to bad.
Mood:  Very good today, till I saw Legion and was incredibly let down by it's suckiness.
Health:  Feeling good!!  Zits gone =)

I'm rolling on with this and looking forward to week 2.  I think my taste buds are adjusting somewhat and am looking forward to what comes next!  This is the weight loss program 1st week and I'm wondering:  what can beat 11lbs. just doing the vegan thing?  Well now comes the vegan weight loss program.  Man, talk about jumping in without getting your feet wet first!  Now, sleepy time.  Goodnight everyone, be happy!


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Dont make fun of my meat

I have been dilligently planning my meals for this next week.  I'm making sauces, seasonings and preparing beans.  Wow, I'm totally ahead of the game!!  Tomorrow I will weigh myself and see what this week brought me.  Remember just cause I started at 266 and am obviously over weight, doesn't mean I'm all about the weight loss.  Right now I'm focasing on being healthy, so I am going to go have my blood work done so we can start this weight loss program knowing exactly what kind of changes will happen.  But, for the sake of this 2 week program and for the fact weight loss IS a part of health, I am going to keep track of my weight gains/losses as well.  Today I was a bit more extravagent in my eating (I kind of let myself loose a little knowing the 2 week plan starts tomorrow).   So I ate tortillas and salsa, and hummus and pitas.  I had also made a delicious portabella sandwich.  My sis-in law, Shannan made dinner for everyone (else) tonight and wanted to make a vegan carrot cake for me (my favorite).  Unfortunately she didn't have any of the ingredients she would need to make it right.  So, it ended up a non-vegan cake.  I told her what started out as good intentions turned into a cruel mockery of me watching them all eat it!!  I actually wasn't too bothered by it, I didn't even mind Rick bringing some home.  Maybe, slowly the cravings are going away??  Oh, that would be nice (nice like a big fat piece of carrot cake!!).  I can't believe it's almost been a week!  It's amazing the different reactions I've gotten to becoming vegan.  The one that takes the cake would have to be my Mother's.  She said:  "Whatever floats your boat, just don't make fun of my meat.  I like it."  then she preceded to tell me that she read in a magazine that there were these vegan girls who were way to thin and they can't keep weight on.  Really?  A warning for the 266 lb. fat girl about getting too thin??  I told her I think I'll be safe for a while.  Her reaction surprised me a little, as she seemed almost angry (but then again I told after I had already been doing it a while and my sister knows).  It made me think of how defensive we can get about our choices in life, health, etc.  I may have reacted the same way if it was reversed.   It makes sense.  We all just want to feel our choices and actions are justified and when someone who fits in with your lifestyle leaves the fold, it can make you feel insecure.  How do you make people understand that this is right for ME right NOW.  I'm just taking it all a day at a time and letting it all happen.  I say live and let live.  People usually only change habits, etc. because they were already thinking of doing it.  I don't want to force people to think like me and I don't want to be annoying and preachy.  If I can inspire, awesome!  If I can give hope, great!  But we all have to walk that road of decision alone.  Okay, I'm going to share my menu with you all, so I can share all the trials and tribulations I may have this week!!  *all recipes are out of RHIW*  Also, does anyone have any glass jars they don't need??  Like jelly jars, etc. (small & medium size).  I could use them for the sauces I premake and seasonings.  Let me know, thanks!!

B-Magical Multigrain Pancakes                                  
L- Immune Power Soup                                      
D-Fresh Thai Spring Rolls
Fruit smoothy  
Left over soup 
Creamy Adzuki Beans

Ezekiel Cereal
Refried Beans        
Whibbs (tofu ribs)

B-Ezekiel Cereal                                       
L-left over whibb sandwich                        
D-Vitality Noodles  

Vegan Chili            
Something Easy

Ezekiel Cereal
Seasoned Italian Basmatti Rice
 Black eyed Peas w/Kale
B-Yellow Tofu breakfast burrito
L-tasty tostadas
D-Illegal Pizza

Whew!  That was hard work!!  Let's do stats:

Hunger:  Fine all day.  When it's time to eat I am honestly hungry. Not, well I stuffed myself like a hog and now that looks good so let me at it, hungry.
Mood:  Good, kinda weird (go figure!)
Cravings:  Oh that carrot cake looked good, but worse was my oldest taunting me with his sausage breakfast burritos.  Man, if I can get through this with that kind of help, I'm in!  I'll earn my vegan card!!
Health:  Again with the good.  Zits are still there, darnit!!!

Okay, Mom.  I won't make fun of your meat, if you don't make fun of my non-meat.  Deal?? =)  Remember to check in tomorrow, because I'm going to post my weight after this weeks first attempt at my lifestyle change.  I also start the 2 week weight loss plan designed by Tess, who wrote RHIW.  I am part of a group that Tess is going to study for her new vegan weight loss book.  I'll fill you in how I do with that.  2 words: vegetables ugghh!!  Goonight and good health everyone.


Friday, January 22, 2010

Going Gizmo

So, now I have a time to stop eating. 7:00 p.m.,  Kitchen is closed!  Go Away!!  No, if you eat after this time something really horrible will happen to you like on the Gremlin movie!!  At least this is what I tell myself to try to keep my fat hands out of the fridge.  Sunday starts the 2 week (which suddenly seems like a year)  weight loss program.  I was reading through it again and I think I'm a getting a little nervous about all the vegetables that are required on the program.   Wow, I really have to get myself psyched up for this.  I can do this right? (gulp).  Think of how nice I'll feel when it's over.  Healthier, lighter victorious!  I just wish we could skip to a montage of me eating veggies, doing push ups, slowly in a couple different shots being able to do a chin up, beat someone who was faster than me in a race, etc.  Making 2 weeks disappear into a five minute montage with an inspiring song.  Now that's the way to do it!  But, no. Of course not, that just won't happen.  So to get my mind off of it, I've been thinking of all the kitchen gizmos I need (see Gremlin movie reference- hahaha).  I find after these 5 days that a juicer would be awesome.  I think a food processor is needed and Tess really recommends a pressure cooker.  Anything that will chop, cut and juice for me is probably a good idea.  I'm not great with knives.  In fact, I drive my sis-in-law Shannan crazy with my precarious chopping methods.  But than again, I'm not really great with gizmos of any kind.  I still can't get pictures from my camera or phone to the computer.  Everyone makes it seem so easy, but I've tried and the computer always wants a disk or a password or cables that I've never heard of.  It makes me feel dumb so usually I just pretend something happened rather than my incompetence.  "I don't know, it just stopped and the picture is gone....I think Owen did something to it, I don't know".   Hmmmm, better keep that in mind when picking my gizmos.  Rick (my husband) won't be supportive of gizmos.  Now, in his defense he has suffered through many, MANY crazy weight loss programs.  The man's been through the cabbage soup diet debacle of '95, Stop the Insanity, Jenny Craig, The Zone, The Atkins, The South Beach, the grapefruit diet, Weight Watchers, From Fat to Skinny in 12 weeks, The Glycemic diet, and  Volumetrics (there may be more I'm forgetting).  Not to mention medication, vitamins, the scarey colon cleanse incident, and various weight loss tools from pedometers to thigh master (yep, I had one) to The bean (we've never blown it up yet).  So forgive him if he's a little detached from my current situation.  I try to tell him this is a "lifestyle change", but he just nods and looks skepticle.  He's said it probably would have saved him money to have paid for lap band surgery.  He could be right, but at least with this I won't have a scar and foreign material in my body squeezing my stomach.  He did say he would give up drinking pop so I didn't have to buy it any more. (And the jerk will probably lose 20 ponds by doing that!!)    Yay?  Oh, Well.  We'll give him a little more time to get used to this.  Also, We will give me time to prove I can do this.  In the meantime I have to use all the tricks I can, whether it's cool blenders or gremlins in my kitchen at night.  Hey man, whatever it takes.  I have a great bunch of people doing this program with me that are very supportive and I have you all on my blog.  You keep me accountable, you keep me sane, you help keep me rocking out this vegan thing for another day.  Thanks for all your comments and support.  Let's do stats:

Hunger: up and down today, ate a late lunch= really hungry.
Mood: Not too shabby....ooh is that my libido I hear knocking??  Nice.
Cravings:  Not as bad.  I think I'm craving salty chip things now, 'cause I seem to want carbs
Health:  Good. No headaches today, No IBS, No heartburn whoooohooooo!  But I have a breakout of zits on my chin.  Good grief.  I blame everything on detoxing (I'm not even sure what that entails).

Good night everyone, tomorrow I have to get my son to his Basketball game at 7:30!!!  And they have pictures so I can't be late.  People who know me, know this may be a problem.  Good Lord, 7:30?  Really??


Thursday, January 21, 2010

No meat, but still a cheat??

Today was a busy day.  My kitchen is a wreck, laundry piled to where you could lose a small child in it and tasks to accomplish before the PTO meeting.  I couldn't deal with my kitchen, so I chose some "fast" items.  Vegan frozen burritos.  And fritos.  I looked at the ingredients and it said corn and corn oil.  Thats it!  No milk or eggs or any of that non-vegan stuff.  Man I snarfed the bag (individual size) down.  And the rest of my son's.  And after the PTO meeting I ate fries.  Again, no meat.  But I am sitting here feeling extremely guilty.  I guess the health aspect of this lifestyle choice is more important to me than I thought!!  I have to do what I did before I completely swiched over to a vegan diet.  Was what I ate really as good as I thought it would be?  How does my body feel after eating it?  Well, truthfully I didn't think about the fritos before hand.  I just saw no milk or egg and devoured them.  I guess my body felt okay after, but emotionally I'm all guilted up now.  I kind of feel like I let myself and you all down.  I think I need to stick to the more wholesome vegan foods, rather than my "old way" foods.  Clearly it is important to me to seperate myself from that way of living.  This is a complete overhaul of how I live.  I know it wasn't a big slip, but what if a bag of fritos or fries from McDonald's leads to a bag of burgers?? (oh, yeah.  I could do it, trust me!!).  My friend just sent an email and said "thanks for reminding her to be healthy".  Wow, that's cool.  I never thought I could be any kind of inspiration for being healthy, other than someone seeing my fat butt going into a fast food place and them thinking: "yeah, I'll just have a salad!".  Well friend of mine, you helped me.  Fritos might not be meat, but they are a cheat in my mind.  It's time to leave that all behind!!  Short night tonigh guys, it was a busy day and another one tomorrow.  Thanks for all your comments and support.  If I can do this (trust me) anyone can if they want!!  Stat time:

Hunger: fine. Not stuffed, just right (no juice tonight)
Mood: Pretty good, till I saw my lamp shade cracked
Cravings: I with stood burgers all around me!!
Health:  Still detoxing, but no headache today =)

Good night all!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Blame it on the pancake on a stick

Today was definitely harder.  I was super hungry this morning and Carter wanted a pancake on a stick.  For those of you who are not gastronomically enlightened, let me break this down for you:  It's a pancake around a sausage link like a corn dog.  And it's on a stick.  We get them in a big box.  So, it was all I could do NOT to grab that thing from him and stuff it into my mouth.  I resisted by getting busy making my tropical smoothie.  I even added flax seed for colon health.  But the whole time all I could think about was breakfast burritos. Mmmmmm, sausage gravy.   I drank my smoothie and moved on.  My youngest is home with a cold and kept knocking on things to make our dog think someone is at the door and  bark.  I think I've narrowed down a definite stress/craving connection, because the more crazy I felt, the more pancakes on a stick sounded good. Or cheese.  Always a go to for me in the past.  I tried a "veggie" cheese-like substance.  Yeah, not so much like cheese.  Maybe it's good in small doses melted or sprinkled on something, but not for eating a wedge of.  Trust me.  I think being prepared is going to be a big part of success with this.  After being at the school trying to get a group of kids of various ages to listen to me and practice skits, I had a headache (where the hell is my caffeine) and  a  HUNGER.  I bitterly made my family chicken and the whole time I picked fried potatoes out of leftovers (that was sitting next to sausage) and ate it.  And drank half a container of organic pomegranate (I just had to walk to my fridge 3 times to see how to spell that) & cranberry juice. By the time I sat down to my healthy salad, I was full.  Of juice.  Being excited about the foods we eat is important.  Will I be excited about this food?  I was yesterday.  I was pretty smug about that soup I made.  Am I just having one of those days?  Maybe if I ate the chicken for dinner, I would've felt the same way as I do now.  I probably would've eaten the potato AND the sausage if I was eating meat.  So, let's look at this in a positive light:  if I was still eating as before I would've eaten potatoes, sausage, juice and the chicken dinner.  Okay, maybe not the juice.  Probably 2 diet Mt. Dew's.  So, I did better in that respect.  Being prepared is as important now for me as it was then.  Whether I'm eating meat or not.  I have to remember this when I'm out of sorts (like today) and feel like being lazy.  It's not the food's fault, well maybe the pancake on a stick because who thought of that even?  If I'm not prepared mistakes can happen, over-eating can happen.  I think the excitement for me comes with the preparation and planning.  Wow, revelation!  Am I growing?  My sister, Debbie, always said I had a plebeian taste in food.  (Hey, somebody has to eat the bologna).  Maybe I'm growing up now?  We'll see.  My healthy salad tasted like a bowl of weeds.  I have a ways to go.  Let's look at today's stats:

Hunger:  uggghhh. No, too much juice.
Cravings:  Yes! 
Mood:  Tired and moody
Health:  Other than being stuffed on juice, pretty good.  Flax seeds, nature's lufa for your colon!!

I could blame it on the pancake stick of greasy sweet unhealthy goodness that tempted my cravings, but really I think it was just the mood and there will be these times.  I have to remember to pre-plan to help lessen the chances of unwise choices (container of juice and fried potatoes) and over eating.  Let's stick a fork in this day and say it's over.  Now I WILL go soak some beans (I didn't yesterday darn it).  Did I mention I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl??  SIGH.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Ciantro is staring at me

The cilantro is going bad.  I don't mean like book an intervention bad, I mean limp, brownish and soggy bad.  I bought it in preparation for all my fresh, vegan cooking I'm going to be doing.  Soon.  I swear.  I went out with my head in my Radiant Health, Inner Wealth book (forever known on this blog now as "RHIW") like a crazy person, making shop people find me things like arrowroot, and ordering me stuff they didn't have like Kombu strips.  Yep, I just said that.  Kombu strips.  Tess gives very clear instrustions on how to stock your pantry and plan for meals, yet when I got home I just sat and stared at everything.  I did that for the next 2 days.  Am I intimidated by this new way of eating?  You bet I am!  This isn't buy a bag of chicken nuggets and fries and there's dinner cooking; this is plan, soak, mince.........*gulp* juice, whole foods cooking!!  This is zest your food and chop it too!  This is a whole new world.  And there my cilantro sits, staring at me, judging me...Okay, maybe I did buy too much.  Maybe I'll not be able to use this batch of cilantro up even if I make 12 jars of salsa.  So what?  No need to judge.  I'm getting the hang of this, slowly.  Lesson learned.  One bag of nuggets; one bunch of cilantro (not 10).  The point is that I had to push past my fear and my self-doubt and just do it.  So, that's what I did tonight.  I made Immune Boost soup from RHIW.  It has shiitaki mushrooms, kale (something else I bought too much of), exotic (to me) oils, miso (i didn't even know what this was, I thought it was seaweed.  It's not.), garlic and green onions.  It was easy and shockingly delicious.  I didn't know what to expect, what with the miso and all, but it has a wonderful chinese broth I've tasted before and love, but didn't know how to make.  I put a tad too much filling in it (remember my surplus kale?), but overall I was proud.  I ate that with a piece of my sprouted (I'll tell you about this another time) whole wheat bread with almond butter.  Yep, almond butter.  It's yummy.  I ate one large bowl of soup and my bread and was done.  I was surprised as this was a big fear for me, feeling starved.  Oddly I was full.  Me, full.  Me, (who I kid you not) can eat a bigmac, filet of fish, large fries and a large drink and feel hungry an hour later.  Maybe there's something to this way of eating?  Maybe it's a totally different mind set, eat to live not live to eat.  Maybe I will lose weight, lower my blood pressure and cholesteral?  Maybe.  I'll see and let you know.  This is after all only my 2nd day.  I don't want to be too eager!  Let's review how I feel:

Hunger: Oddly satisfied.  Not too full.
Cravings: None yet. (I'm not stupid though, I know they're out there...waiting).
Mood:  Not crabby (hooray!), peaceful.
Health:  No IBS reaction after eating (formally known as "eat and run"), a little gassy, but oddly more energy??

Not bad.  And it's only day 2!  Next week I'll start Tess' 2 week weight loss plan.  That will be more strict than how I'm eating now.  There will be veggie requirements.  Did I mention I don't overly enjoy veggies?  Yeah, they taste like the dirt they came from.  I will have to review her recipes for making veggies more palatable for kids.  Oh, the shame...  I've been telling my family and friends what I'm doing and their reaction for the most part has been like, I might as well have told them I grew horns and belly danced in the mall!  (eeewwww, bad visual- sorry!!)  They also think I'm going to start walking around in a hemp shirt and sandles!! (you know who you are).  Haha, go ahead and judge me cilantro.  I'm on to you.  Next time I won't be as afraid to use you like the plant you are!  So that's it today.  Goodnight everybody, I have to go soak some beans.  And put on a hemp shirt and sandles ;)


Monday, January 18, 2010

I think I'm turning veganese

So it is fitting today is Martin Luther King Jr. day.  Today I embarked on the first day of my new lifestyle, a change for the better that even Martin Luther King Jr. would approve of.  I've decided after much consideration to become a vegan.  I'm not going to lie to you, my stats are bad....real bad.  After enjoying a wonderful metabolism that allowed me to eat anything I wanted and still stayed approximately 115 lbs. (yes, I'd hate me now), it ended abruptly in my 20's.  I, of course, did nothing to help myself as I was used to eating bad and eating a lot and no kind of excercise.  I saw it happening, but I had that desperate need to believe if I ignored the weight gain, it would just go away!  Thus commenced years of self denial that made me totally vulnerable when I ran into problems conceiving a child with my husband.  Enter all the lovely drugs that, well, make us miserable and irritable and HUNGRY!!  Now we can take it further by adding one miscarriage and a late term stillbirth (31 weeks gestation).  Eight months after that I became pregnant with my oldest son, Logan, and followed with two more boys all under 2 years apart, Owen and Carter.  In between all the babies, I would try various weight loss measures.  I've tried them all (no, really).  Some would work a while but usually the weight would come back and then some.  Which brings us to now, I weigh 266lbs.  Exactly.  I know 'cause I weighed myself at the Dr.'s office today when I took my son in.  I've actually been more, so this really didn't surprise me.  The fact is about 3 months ago, I had a thought pop into my head about becoming vegan.  I ignored it of course because I love meat.  I also have never really enjoyed vegetables the way others do.  Then I was on FaceBook and a highschool classmate "friended" me.  It turns out she is vegan and an author of the book: "Radiant Health, Inner Wealth".  That's quite a coincedence since I've been walking around thinking I need to change my life.  I'm tired of not feeling healthy.  I feel toxic inside like everything I eat is making me miserable.  So, I still ignored the voice but would read all "Tess's" posts (Quintessence Challis is her full name).  And frankly, she irritated me.  There she was so positive and healthy talking about all the healthy things her and her daughter eats, while I'm stuggling with my children to eat one pea.  I even debated hiding her from my feed so I didn't have to be reminded of my failure.  I didn't hide her and 2 months went by with me sulkily reading her posts and me feeling more, and more like I should try the vegan diet.  To top it off, other old classmates bought her book and were trying it too.  Finally, I couldn't denie it anymore.  I need a change and I was being silly to ignore such an opportunity that was staring me right in the face.  I bought her book and after reading it, I knew it was the right choice.  I'm not saying this will be easy, I love meat and I love all the bad foods still.  I just don't love how I feel and that's what I've got to hang on to.  So today I had no animal products for the first time in probably a very long time.  I wasn't perfect (I ordered fries from McDonald's when I stopped there on the way home from the Dr.) but I didn't eat meat or drink pop.  Which is why I probably have a headache from drinking no pop with caffeine.  It's going to be a long road of detox I'm afraid.  Next week, I'm joining with others to do a 2 week program Tess created.  She will use our stories in her next book she is writing.  I only hope I don't let her OR myself down.  I feel positive though and I have you all to help me by listening to my journey. Good night all of you, I will dream of your meat filled dinners tonight! =)